- 验证task response and coherence; Task response:针对traditional and modern subjects 各自的有点，提出了对primary和secondary school采取不同策略的观点。 Coherence: introduction—-background, question, my view. body paragraph—-均只有一个主题，一个论点，然后提出了argument。第三段又和第二段的论点进行了对比。Conclusion—-sum up my personal point.
- In recent times there has been much debate about…
- One particular issue is whether…
- I believe that this is a difficult question and different solutions need to be found for primary and secondary schools.
- There is one major argument in favour of支持 doing sth/sth.
- There are also, however, strong arguments for doing sth/sth.
- From this point of view,
- For example, it is easy to see that
- One significant counter-argument is that…
- My own personal point of view is that there is merit on both sides of the debate and that…
vocabulary and phrase:
In recent times there has been much debate about which subjects should be included in the school curriculum. One particular issue is whether the introduction of more modern subjects such as IT for more traditional subjects such as art and music disadvantages the pupils. I believe that this is a difficult question and different solutions need to be found for primary and secondary schools.
There is one major argument in favour of replacing art, music and sport on the curriculum with subjects like IT. This is that the purpose of school is to prepare children for their working life after school, so the subjects on the curriculum should be relevant to their potential careers. From this point of view, IT is much relevant to schoolchildren as they need to be computer literate熟练操作计算机 if they want to survive in the workplace. For example, it is easy to see that word processing and programming skills will impress employers more than the ability to run fast or draw well.
There are also, however, strong arguments for retaining the more traditional subjects as part of the curriculum. One significant counter-argument is that the purpose of education is not just to prepare children for later careers, but also to develop their all round “culture”. It is important that children leave school with some knowledge of art, music and sport as all these help develop aspects of young people’s personalities.
My personal point of view is that there is merit on both sides of the debate and that all children should study some IT, art music and sport at least at primary school. At secondary school, however, children should be offered a choice between these subjects so that they can continue to study them if they wish.
- retain VS remain retain [VT]: to keep or continue to have something保持；保留；保有; She has lost her battle to retain control of the company.她被打败了，失去了继续掌管公司的权力。He managed to 设法，达成 retain his dignity throughout the performance. 在整个表演过程中，他设法保持了自己的尊严。 dignity 尊严~~~~~self-esteem 自尊. retain the more traditional subjects. remain verb UK /rɪˈmeɪn/ US /rɪˈmeɪn/ B1 [ I or L ] formal to stay in the same place or in the same condition停留，留下；保持不变，仍然是
The doctor ordered him to remain in bed for a few days.医生嘱咐他要继续卧床几天。Most commentators expect the basic rate of tax to remain at 25 percent.大多数评论员预计基本税率会保持在25%。[ + to infinitive ] A great many things remain to be done (= have not yet been done).还有很多事情要去做。He remained silent.他保持沉默。
- replace sth with sth
- prepare children for their working life/ later careers.
- computer literate; word processing; programming skills
- in recent times/ nowadays/ in the modern world.
Nowadays, there has been much debate about whether emerging subjects such as Information Technology should replace traditional subjects such as
Air Art, Sport and Music. Many schoolchildren have experienced the subject changes the changes on subjects. I believe that both these types of school curriculum benefit the development of children and should be treated differently in primary and secondary schools. 2个错误
Modern subjects such as
Information Technology IT prepare children for their potential careers. In recent times, more and more jobs require the ability to process word and programming skills. To response respond to this, schools add these courses to cultivate relative skills for pupils. With these courses, students would own —->master/obtain the ability to solve problems using the Internet and have a better employment prospect prospects/ open the door to better employment prospects. 6 个语法错误, 本段的耦合性相当好，采用了old to new 的方式。
Traditional subjects, however, do develop other aspects of young people’s personalities. Classes such as music class and art class inspire the creativity and imagination of children.
Some children had musical or painting talents when they were born. Some children were born with musical or painting talents. If we do not develop their potential, it would be a (complete) waste for of their talents. In addition, the purpose of school is not only to prepare students for their future, but also to develop them in all aspects achieve all-round development of children. With the knowledge of air art, music and so on, it could rich enrich children’s interests. 5个语法错误, 但是本段的耦合性不太好，两处地方，感觉上一句和下一句说的东西 点完全不一样，这是计划的时候出了问题，在计划的时候细节没有想好，在感觉字数不够后，在后面乱加的。所以计划做的越详细越好。
To sum up, my personal view is that those subjects should be all included in primary school to cultivate their interests and prepare them for later careers. In secondary school, however, it is(缺少了is) a better way to make courses like IT compulsory, and offer lessons such as music and art based on their interests. 一个语法错误
- Introduction: Have I identified all parts of the question? -yes, you have done it perfectly. Is my position clear? -clear.
- Body paragraph: Is the main idea obvious from the first sentence? yes.
Does the first sentence refer back to the introduction? yes
If the content paras make different points is this clear from the introduction?
If they make the same point in different ways, is this clear in the intro?
Do I repeat one word too much? yes, repeat too much ”develop’ and ‘such as’
- conclusion: Do I refer to ideas in both/all 3 content paras in my conclusion?
Do I use some of the same language in my conclusion as in the content paras to help cohesion and coherence? yes
Do I explicitly answer the question as it is asked? yes
Does my conclusion mirror what I say in the intro? yes
The revised version:
Nowadays, there has been much debate about whether emerging subjects such as Information Technology should replace traditional subjects such as Art, Sport and Music. As a result, Many schoolchildren have experienced the changes on subjects. I believe that both these types of school curriculum benefit the development of children and should be treated differently in primary and secondary schools.
Modern subjects such as IT prepare children for their potential careers. In recent times, more and more jobs require the ability to process word and programming skills. To respond to this, schools add these courses to cultivate relative skills for pupils. With these courses, students would obtain the ability to solve problems using the Internet and have better employment prospects/ open the door to better employment prospects.
Traditional subjects, however, do develop other aspects of young people’s personalities. Classes such as music class and art class inspire the creativity and imagination of children. These also enrich children’s interests towards various things. Besides, Some children were born with musical or painting talents. If we do not develop their potential, it would be a complete waste of their talents. Furthermore, the purpose of school is not only to prepare students for their future, but also to achieve all-round development of children.
To sum up, my personal view is that those subjects should be all included in primary school to cultivate their interests and prepare them for later careers. In secondary school, however, it is a better way to make courses like IT compulsory, and offer traditional lessons based on their interests.
- 3个拼写错误 art. purpose, courses; 10个语法错误
- 同一个单词develop用的太多。too much: such as.
- plan + writing + when in writing, check in stage + after writing, look for particular mistakes
- plan的问题，当一个地方没有想明白，写下来的时候，确实在写的时候不知道怎么写————–》so plan 是不是应该越详细越好。同时plan应该支撑的点足够，至少应该三句支撑的话，不然很容易凑不够字数。
- common problem: 谓词单复数，名词复数忘记加S.
- all-round全面的，综合的; I want to be an all-round person通才者.; all-round development全面发展. potential Un./ adj. for the all-around development of children.
- 固定用法: ability“能力,能耐,本领”.“有能力做某事”应表达为the ability to do sth,而the ability of doing sth.是错误的表达
- excavate verb [ I or T ] UK /ˈek.skə.veɪt/ US /ˈek.skə.veɪt/
to remove earth that is covering very old objects buried in the ground in order to discover things about the past发掘；挖出
Ice age bones are being excavated in the caves.冰河时期的遗骸正从岩洞中发掘出来。
to dig a hole or channel in the ground, especially with a machine（尤指用机器）开凿，挖（洞），挖空
In tin mining today, workers excavate tunnels horizontally from a vertical shaft.如今开采锡矿，工人们从竖井中横向开挖隧道。
- the ability of word processing and programming skills.
- get VS obtain VS gain VS acquire. get 是最普通含义最广泛的一个词，可以代替 acquire, obtain 和 gain 表达类似含义，但是也就不像后面的这几个词那么精准。日常用语中，一般用 get 代替后面几个词；obtain 是 get 的同义词，不过更加正式；gain 与 obtain 相比更强调获得的过程付出较大努力；另外还可以用于表示强行占取acquire 强调获取的过程是缓慢的、连续的、一点一点获取的。经常和 knowledge, skill 等搭配
- much ——> considerable;
- in recent times: ,times时代 time做时间讲时是不可数名词.
- respond verb [ I ] UK /rɪˈspɒnd/ US /rɪˈspɑːnd/
B2 to say or do something as a reaction to something that has been said or done回答，作答；回应，作出反应
[ + speech ] To every question, he responded “I don’t know.”每一个问题他的回答都是“我不知道”。I asked her what the time was, but she didn’t respond.我问她几点了，但是她没理我。He responded by marching off and slamming the door behind him.他的反应是大步走出房间，狠狠甩上了门。How did she respond to the news?她听了这消息有什么反应？
[ + that ] When the tax office wrote to me demanding unpaid income tax, I responded that I had been working abroad since 1998.
- the Internet; create—–creative—–creativity 创造力and imagination 想象力; imagine—-imagination—-imaginative. imaginative: 新颖的，独创的; 富于想象力的，有创意的 an imaginative designer 富于想象力的设计师; creative :有创造力的；创造性的；有创意的 a creative person/artist/designer/programmer有创意的人／艺术家／设计师／程序设计员
- prospect noun UK /ˈprɒs.pekt/ US /ˈprɑː.spekt/
prospect noun (POSSIBILITY)
B2 [ C or U ] the possibility that something good might happen in the future（发生好事情的）可能，可能性，机会
Is there any prospect of the weather improving?天气有可能好转吗？There seems little prospect of an end to the dispute.争端似乎不大可能平息。[ + that ] There’s not much prospect that this war will be over soon.这场战争不大可能很快结束。
There’s every prospect of success.有百分之百成功的希望。
prospects B2 [ plural ] the possibility of being successful, especially at work成功的机会；前景，前途
She’s hoping the course will improve her career prospects.她希望这门课能改善自己的职业前景。Prospects of/for (= opportunities for) employment remain bleak for most people in the area.该地区大多数人的就业前景还是很黯淡的。prospects of employment/ employment prospects.
C2 [ S ] the idea of something that will or might happen in the future前景；展望；设想
The prospect of spending three whole days with her fills me with horror.想到要和她在一起呆整整3天，我就毛骨悚然。I’m very excited at the prospect of seeing her again.一想到又要见到她我就激动不已。We face the prospect of having to start all over again.我们很可能不得不再次从头开始。
[ C ] a person who might be chosen, for example as an employee有前途的候选人
We’ll be interviewing four more prospects for the jobs this afternoon.今天下午我们要再面试4个有希望得到这些职位的应聘者。
- musical talents or painting talents.
- Some children had musical or painting talents when they were born. 这句话的时态不对，是站在过去的时间点上，看过去，用一般过去时，主句用现在时。表示“出生”要用be born，并且动词be通常只用was 或were 。be born后可跟形容词、名词或不同的介词，表达意思也不同。bear—bore—born: bear: 生产She had borne six children by the time she was 30.她到30岁时已经生了6个孩子。[ + two objects ] When his wife bore him a child he could not hide his delight.当妻子生了个小孩时，他掩饰不住内心的喜悦。Most animals bear their young in the spring.大多数动物都在春天产崽儿。born + in, on等，表示”出生的时间，地点“。 Tom was born in Hebei Province on February 12，1999． 1999年2月12日汤姆生于河北省。 Karl Marx was born on May 5，in Trier． 卡尔·马克思5月5日生于特里尔。 Li Ping was born in 1988. 李平生于一九八八年。 be born + with， 表示”天赋；命运”。 He was born with a good memory. 他生来记性就好。
- literate adjective UK /ˈlɪt.ər.ət/ US /ˈlɪt̬.ɚ.ət/
C2 able to read and write识字的，会读写的
having knowledge of a particular subject, or a particular type of knowledge掌握（某个领域或某方面）知识的；通晓…的
- The “not only X but also Y” correlative conjunction gives copyeditors no end of headaches. The problem commonly encountered with it is that X and Y are supposed to be grammatically parallel, but frequently people mess this up, so it doesn’t read right.
For example, this would be wrong:
He not only ate shrimp but also cocktail sauce, too. [WRONG]
That doesn’t work because ate is a verb while cocktail sauce is a noun. Instead that should be written as:
He ate not only shrimp but also cocktail sauce, too. [RIGHT]
If you want to alternate on the verb, then one might try this:
He not only ate shrimp but also vomited it, too. [RIGHT, but ick!]
Here’s another wrong example:
I come not only to bury Caesar, but Brutus and Cassius as well. [WRONG]
That’s wrong because “to bury” ≠ “Brutus and Cassius”. They aren’t parallel. That should instead be one of:
I come not only to bury Caesar, but also to praise him. [RIGHT]
I come to not only bury Caesar, but also praise him. [RIGHT]
I come to bury not only Caesar, but also Brutus and Cassius as well. [RIGHT]